Previously Unpublished

Hot damn! Well everyone knows sex sells, right? I just never thought about it as a way of increasing traffic to my blog. After all, this is primarily a law student blawg. (I try to keep my normal sex blog a little more hidden than this one from friends and loved ones). However, after putting “anal probing” in my post title yesterday, I noticed a marked increase in visitors. Not throngs, but definately more people via searches.

The funny thing is, when I click on the search that brought the visitor to my site, it usually comes from yahoo or google and it from maybe the 10, 15, 20 pages deep or more, with very specific search terms like “diaries of anal sex.” These people know what they are looking for and spend an aweful long time looking. It must be disappointing to come across my blog lamenting about finals. Sorry about that! However, just for my own ego, I’ll continue to try to slip sex metaphors into my blog in an effort to drum up more views.

In other news, I finished finals this morning. Nirvana.

-jd

So had my first of two finals afternoon. As a famous author once wrote, “it was the best of times, it was the worse of times.” As to the worst of times, as a famous ballplayer once said, “I’m not here to talk about the past.” Well, I think Big Mac should be in the Hall of Fame and hopefully I’ll pass a more objective approach taken by my professor in the grading of my Equal Protection/Due Process exam.

The first part concerned gay rights specifically having to do with banning anal sex for health reasons. I was all over it - the exam, not the anal sex part (well, except as applicable on the exam). I was supposed to be defending, which was a little awkward, but I think I covered the issues really well. Then came the second part which was worth equal points and asked three different questions regarding race, language, and sex discrimination against white attorneys in a public defender office where defendants were surveyed as to their preferences. This whole sort of reverse discrimination idea really threw me even though I should have just gone into the appropriate analysis.

I guess after talking about anal sex, a little anal probing on the second half was to be expected.

Oh well, c’est la vie - I thought I was pretty well prepared. The outline was one of the best I’ve made. Anyway, my computer keyboard is on it’s last legs (I took it apart two nights ago because the space bar died and my brilliant technical skill is starting to look a little less brilliant as the space bar is typing two space for every time I hit it - not good and probably annoying to the professors reading my exam). A little work on the keyboard tonight, review some outlines, and then tomorrow morning I’ll be good on my last exam. O Joy, Ocean in View! (Well, actually jury duty the very next day).

-jd

I’m trying to study my ass off the last few days and hours before my finals and all of the sudden outside the law library, somewhere beyond the dark and reflective windows, there comes a very loud and multi-rhythmic tribal drumming. Occasionally there are whoops and yells. Holy jesus. Are you kidding me? Normally, I find loud drumming in the appropriate setting to be sort of cool. However, it’s not cool to commence said drumming that reverberates throughout campus in the midst of finals. I have my iPod on full blast and I can still hear and feel the pounding.

Probably has something to do with the new Mel Gibson movie, Apocolypto. Thus, not only am I going to blame this assault on my studing on Mr. Gibson, but I’ll also blame my inevitable lackluster grades, and all the wars in the history of mankind on him as well. Why not?

-jd

Note: This post is dripping with both frustration and sarcasm lest I be accused of being a Gibson-ophobe.

Just picked up one of these babies at the local Jamba Juice. It’s pretty damn good, if you like an obscure berry flavor with a slight chocolate-esque tinge (influenced a bit by raspberry sorbet). I think I mainly got it because the drink description said it was from Brazil and frankly, I’m currently enamoured by things Brazilian (in my mind, I think I’m going to end up in a smoky jazz club listening to the next Stan Getz sometime soon).

Anyway, it’s made out of the açaí fruit which comes from a palm tree of the same name in South America. It’s supposed to give you energy, but just to make sure, I added a free energy boost. (Hey Jamba Jamba). The stuff seems to work almost as well as a couple espressos.

Did I mention the fruit comes from Brazil? The things you learn studying for finals in law school.

-jd

Today, since some people felt inclined to stock up on three or four seat cushions per person in the library, I decided to use a trick that Ticket invented when she was studying for the Bar over the summer: take a comfortable chair from the computer lab on the second floor and substitute it for one of the shit wooden square chairs that populate the rest of the joint. Well, this endeavor is sort of noisy and a number of frantic students, most likely 1Ls hording seat cushions by the dozen, looked up; they were clearly annoyed that their collective futures hung in the balance as I disturbed their relentless pursuit of knowledge, the big bucks, and acceptance from their Family, Esq.

Okay, maybe I’m going a little overboard, but settle down people, I’m bringing innovation to the establishment. Get your menacing-stare asses out of your wood chairs and grab one of the remaining comfy chairs so you can settle down and study at a medium pace. Your lives might be prolonged in the process, your asses will be a little less stressed, and with any luck, you’ll be able to prolong the time before you have to begin Botox treatments for those crinkles around your glaring eyes. Dang; the above sounds really harsh, but there aren’t that many 3Ls in the library to bring about calm and wisdom by complaining and then resolving.

Anyway, I walked by the group of rookies as I went to answer my phone in the copy room later that day, and lo and behold there was a girl sitting at a carrel utilizing a computer lab chair. Her conformist peers will probably all get A pluses, work at behemoth law firms, afford fancy leather chairs by the dozen, and wither away in them at a young age while she will hopefully find a more innovative and relaxed route to happiness. Either way, as a 3L, I felt compelled to represent and not cease and desist just because some people had a problem with the sound of rolling wheels. Next time, keep your faces in your books children.

-jd

Forget Iraq, we should have invaded Venezuela! According to this story in the NY Times, gas costs a miniscule 17 cents a gallon in Venezuela while in neighboring Brazil, it goes for 5 dollars a gallon despite both nations being self-sufficient in energy production. Apparently water is more expensive than gas in Venezuela. Crazy.

Speaking of which, Dennis Miller was on the Tonight Show last night and I caught the end of his interview where he said that by driving an SUV he was being environmentally friendly because we won’t really do anything to siphon away from oil until it’s gone - therefore he is helping out in getting towards alternate fuel supplies more than people who are trying to conserve the oil, thus prolonging the end of our dependence.

One word: monorails. Powered by Venezuela.

-jd

As far as the blog search engine can recall, I have never used the F word on this blog. I’m not adverse to the word by any means, but it just seems best to limit its use in a printable medium on a public domain. When used correctly, I still like to believe it can be a very powerful adjective, verb, noun, modifier, or whatever. Well, I came damn close to using it today. Parking at my law school is beyond bearable; or really, the asinine way that the powers that be plan for parking anyway just shows no comprehension of the reality of the situation.

If it is finals week for the law school and it still takes over an hour from the point of time that you reach campus to the point in time that you can actually sit down with your books open in the law library, then something is way the hell wrong. Now parking is usually somewhat problematic in any fairly major city, especially in the middle of the day. However, besides the fact that there is no apparent relief in sight over the long term, the fact that the school decides to close a whole level of the parking structure right beside the law school in preparation for an undergrad basketball game that night is just ridiculous.

Short of parking across campus nearly ¾ of a mile away with all my books, study aids, and different layers of clothing thanks to the range of temperatures in the library, I parked at Ticket’s place across from campus (but closer than the nearest on-campus parking) and climbed my ass up the side of a giant hill. Damn you school. I seriously doubt the law school sees any revenue from that ball game. At least during finals, it should not be impossible to find a place to park near the gosh darn freakin’ library.

-jd

I love it when glitches in the Matrix line up. Today, as I’m reading about penumbras of the Constitution in Griswold v. Connecticut, I decide to check out the job post board for a law clerk position that I’ll need to find toot sweet for the spring. What firm should come up as needing a law clerk, but one I interviewed with at the beginning of last summer before I had any experience as a law student. I notoriously told the interviewer at this firm, when he inquired into my non-existent legal expertise, that my experience in banking, interning for the ABA, and successfully competing in law school competitions formed a penumbra much like that found for privacy in the Constitution, that covered all relevant skills and experience they might want in a law clerk candidate.

Needless to say, as creative as I thought my response was at the time, I was not offered the job. Maybe now that I’ve worked as a law clerk for two other firms/organizations, they’ll be more interested and I can use solid precedent without having to rely on creative lawyering (which is not to say that I don’t support the concept in Griswold, because there clearly is a right to privacy to be found in the Constitution).

-jd

P.S. I think I’ve told this story here before, I just can’t find the link to it right now. The coincidence is new, anyway.

So I’m buying candy at the student bookstore (along with a folder for about an inch worth of slides I downloaded for my constitutional law class) when the female cashier comments about how sweet I am for picking up candy for my girlfriend. An aside: during finals, I have a personal rule that I can buy whatever I want to keep me going while studying and today I agonized for about five minutes before picking up two different types of Starburst; Baja California - great, and Fruit & Creme - not as great, in case you’re interested. Well, this comment caught me off guard because although I have no problem making small talk, I usually just try to facilitate a quick transaction by not saying anything. Plus, well, that statement carries an aweful lot of assumptions for a complete stranger.

I think she caught my trepidation as I just sort of blankly looked down at the candy and folder and so she said, “Blue for boys, pink for girls.” Oh. Um, okay. The part of me that hates conforming to strict social norms wanted to say something about my “partner” not really being a “pink” kind of guy. Plus, my actual girlfriend would probably not be amused by such a reduction of her preference in candy to a color that, just by default, represents women. Plus, who the hell would pick candy based on it’s color anyway - it was a stupid comment. Anyway, I just replied along the lines of my girlfriend being at work, and so the girl just said oh and that was it.

Then, walking out, I realized that somehow the universe was thrown off kilter and equal protection theories and scenarios were permeating my life. (Yes, I know it’s not a government actor, so really there is no analysis that needs to be done…but if there were a law requiring boys to buy candy with blue wrappers and girls to buy candy with pink wrappers, then it would probably be intermediate analysis, though closer to the stricter VMI version since there are no real differences between either gender’s ability to enjoy different types of candy and the color preferences are only based on stereotypes.)

Ah, finals are here.

-jd

During finals, one of my favorite things to do is to close out the library. That’s crazy, right? Well, as I’ve mentioned numerous times before, in order to psych myself up for finals and studying, I often go into the mindset of being a pitcher striking out batters with my “knowledge.” Basically I swap the traditional adage of “throwing a curve” since that would usually apply to the professor writing the law school exam. I guess I just think of it differently in that I want to be the one tossing mind-boggling answers over the plate - can’t really explain it other than to say that’s how my competative, baseball-saturated mind works.

Anyway, I apply this state of mind to study-time duration as well. I think of it like pitching a complete game; going the full 9. Possibly the best performance on a baseball field I’ve ever seen was Jack Morris going 10 innings to pitch a shutout to win Game 7 of the 1991 World Series against John Smoltz (who went 9 himself). I also remember shortly after he was acquired by my World Champion Cardinals, Mark Mulder temporarily silenced his naysayers by going the distance with extra innings. I’m also reminded of Roger Clemens coming in for the Astros in extras a couple postseasons ago and just going inning after inning to keep the ‘Stros afloat. I like the work ethic and the idea of giving your all to finish something you start. See also: women’s college softball where the starters will throw back to back games with insane pitch counts.

So, despite the fact that I rarely actually open the library, I do like to push through from a morning arrival time all the way till lights out during the finals season. It sort of psyches me up in a weird way; though I can’t do this too often in a row or else I end up having to wind down big time after midnight, just to get to sleep which leaves me unrefreshed the next day. As sick as it may sound, I think this little baseball mentality I build in my mind makes me enjoy the grind of finals, even for the small period of time I actually invest in studying. Maybe I should expand the fiction to include the offseason and the regular season instead of just trying to pull it together for the “playoffs,” where playoffs equal the finals study period. At least I’m still toiling a little as a 3L. Whatever it takes, right?

-jd